Yikes. You really painted a picture there Tesia. I could see myself in some of your words.

Early on in dating, I used to give grief to my single friends, some who have never had a girlfriend because of their lofty standards (“sharp knees, bro”) and I intentionally decided that I would not judge or condemn any woman who chooses to go out with me. This meant that my dating life began to include meeting with those who I was not attracted to in the slightest. It didn’t matter what their age was, their weight, financial status, if they had kids, etc.

And let me tell you that it was a valuable journey for me to have “lowered” my standards. Instead of being dateless on the weekend, I had the opportunity of conversing with a stranger and coming away from the experience with a better understanding of what women are like, what my weaknesses were, my strengths, and a clearer idea of who I wanted to be with.

What was different about my approach is that I didn’t actually lower my standards. I obliterated them. I was tired of being rejected by women that I was attracted towards and I didn’t want to perpetuate the same emotions onto anyone who was interested in dating me. Instead of rejecting them outright, I accepted them for who they are and learned a lot in the process. Many of these dates didn’t go further than the initial meeting, but some did, and some turned into relationships that I knew would be doomed to fail. It didn’t matter. I was enjoying the journey more so than whatever I imagined the destination to look like.

Reminiscing as I am right now, I’m happy for the approach I’ve decided on. Dating anyone who wanted to go out with me has given me perspective and experience which turned me into a better person. I wasn’t nervous to go out on dates like I used to be. My confidence grew, and I later would date women above my standards and not feel intimidated. I could then well and truly be my authentic self.

So, while I agree with your observations, I would like to submit an alternative way of looking at dating. It can be about keeping yourself open to opportunities and taking advantage of the lessons that meeting new people can provide. Regardless of their status and appearance and other metrics that are ultimately superficial when it comes to finding someone you connect well with. Going into the world with this mentality in mind has helped me tremendously.

There is also danger in preemptively dismissing someone early in the game thinking that they aren’t your type. I went out with one girl three times before we clicked and embarked on a six month relationship. I didn’t want to see her again after the first date, yet her persistence won me over and I began to see how much of a sweet person she was. Glad I kept myself open, otherwise I wouldn’t have discovered the surprise of having my expectations subverted.

Just my thoughts 😊