Well said Niki. I appreciate the thought you put into your reply and helping me to understand your position.

We’ve both done the dating game of musical chairs. I know for myself that I feel weird and guilty if I go on a date which goes well (even if it’s one-sided) and respond that I’m going on another date at a time when it’s suggested we hang out again. “No, sorry, I’m going to be seeing other people for the next few weeks.” I’d rather put everyone else on hold until I know for sure that this isn’t the right person for me.

I’m conservative and old-fashioned, I suppose. Yes, there are many options available out there, and as an attractive lady, I’m sure you have no problem with getting dates and finding men who are interested in you. I often ask how dating online is with each of the people I meet up with, and it’s astounding how many guys are vying for a woman’s attention. Many of the messages they receive are ill-intentioned, and that has to be extremely frustrating and demoralizing for any woman to deal with, which is why I admire your optimistic approach. Lots of sleazebags out there looking for sex and not much else. Dick pics galore. Lots of pain and trauma and insecurities and baggage.

I suppose my point with all this is that women seem to be quick to dismiss a good man when a small thing is not to their liking. Rationalizing it as being unwilling to “settle” because there’s always another suitor waiting in the wings to test the waters with. I’ve been in relationships where I didn’t feel any chemistry and said I was not interested in a second date, but was persuaded otherwise. One of these dates turned into a six-month relationship and made me realize that I judged the person unfairly when we first met. Had I followed through with an early dismissal, I may not have learned how beautiful some people truly are once you get to know them, and it’s hard to know anyone well if a dismissive “plenty of fish in the sea” mindset is adopted while dating.

I get your points Niki, I truly do. Sometimes we have to learn these things for ourselves and realize that although online dating is a numbers game, these are still real people with feelings and hopes that we are dealing with. Some are nervous on the first date and don’t make the best of impressions, while others are seasoned pros and know how to mask their shortcomings enough to deceive us. It’s difficult knowing who is right for us and who isn’t until we commit to investigating their suitability, which is hard to do when a queue is present and attention is divided across several other people.

Just my take. You’re right about keeping expectations low or non-existent. Delightful surprise is certainly preferential to cynical validation and I think there’s far too much cynicism in online dating as it is.

Actions over words, absolutely.