I think most relationships — intense ones, anyways — harbor that push and pull dynamic where we tend to air out our insecurities and fight to have our value appreciated.

It’s a rare thing to be with someone and not want to change a few things about them. It’s extremely common to want an excessive amount of changes. You’ve aptly addressed this distinction using the word “refinement”.

In the end, I feel that one’s authenticity should always be held with a death grip but not to the point where growth is stifled. And it’s a perspective that both people in the relationship have to place high value towards. Just being authentically themselves and expressing frustrations and concerns in a way that still honours and respects the other person.

Thanks for the article Niki