(note: I am challenging myself to write every day for 30 days. What follows may not necessarily be interesting or even coherent. Parental discretion is advised.)
This morning, my lovely girlfriend sent me a video on the subject of dressing yourself in a way to accept the judgments you normally resist. What this translates to, is that unconsciously, some of us make ourselves small so as not to be judged in a critical or demeaning way. This can include speaking softly, not being assertive and dressing in a way that has you blending into a crowd rather than standing out from it.
Here is the video.
The idea behind all this is to shift one’s reality from being uncertain and concerned about the judgments of others to a reality that places you in full control of your image rather than being at another’s mercy. If you dress in an outlandish/stylish way and can feel comfortable doing so, confidence is sure to follow. What good is increased confidence? More success in your personal life, and as the above video suggests, more money in your bank account. Ca-Ching! $$$
It’s a strange bit of logic but sure, increased confidence = increased likelihood of success.
This isn’t a new idea although it is presented in a new way. Lightning God Nikola Tesla once was asked why he dressed so well when he didn’t have to. His answer was that the “world takes a man at his own valuation”.
Treat yourself as if you were valuable and others are likely to do the same.
The interesting thing about dressing well and presenting yourself a certain way is how effective it actually is. Since the dawn of time, women have made themselves attractive to the opposite sex with the use of makeup and clothing. They didn’t need to say a word to attract suitors. Appearances alone was enough to create an image in the minds of others and invite an interaction.
Perception equals reality.
This is not to say us guys should walk around in expensive suits or that women should go spend thousands of dollars on a wardrobe, the idea here is more about how the outside is a reflection of what is within.
If you inwardly believe that you are a person of value, it will then be expressed outwardly through your attitude, your mannerisms, treatment of others, speech and of course, the type of clothing you choose to wear.
So a video like the one above is directed more towards those who lack confidence enough to feel secure with themselves in public and it’s good advice. If you aren’t feeling like a person of value, it can be helpful to “fake it until you make it” by dressing yourself in a way that a successful/attractive person would.
If we tackle this subject scientifically, we can work backwards from the end result of whatever it is we wish to achieve. Examine the rich and the powerful and see how they present themselves. How do they talk? How do they behave? And then mimic their patterns and habits.
This is somewhat rooted in a process that Anthony Robbins calls “mirroring” where you adopt the mannerisms of whomever you wish to emulate in order to establish meaningful rapport and connection.
Except in this case, you are wanting others to establish a connection with you on terms you dictate. To see and treat you in a certain way.
Dressing well only goes so far in achieving success and confidence and that is why we cannot rely on perception alone. Eventually, a facade will be exposed for the illusion that it is if we do not take measures to maintain the image we wish to promote of ourselves.
There is a kind of magic involved when one toys with these ideas. It is one of the most basic strategies there is. Anyone who looks at the driver of an expensive vehicle immediately assumes that person to be wealthy. The same goes for homes, clothing and other material possessions. We often project ourselves and our achievements through external rather than intrinsic means.
See someone with a great looking body? Oh, that person works out. He/she is disciplined, motivated, ambitious, values themselves, etc.
Wrong! They got implants, plastic surgery and it was all paid for by a college tuition fund that their parents set up. Didn’t see that one coming did you?
So, it is not enough to “fake it” we also have to “live” it when it comes to cultivating the image we’d like to present of ourselves. Social media is rampant with the stories and lives of others who appear to be successful and having fun but are secretly despairing and craving fulfillment.
Real lasting happiness can only come from within.
If your confidence is at a low, maybe investing in that one outfit that makes you look amazing is a good place to start. Try it. Don’t be afraid to ask for someone’s opinion on what you look best in. Experiment, find that balance between what you think you look good in and what you actually do. Chances are is that if you’re not sure about it, then you don’t really know.
How do you want the world to see you as? What changes can you make to bring yourself in alignment with who you most want to become?
As the wise Kurt Vonnegut once said:
Also, Epstein didn’t kill himself.
