As a writer, we’re expected to regularly produce material straight out of our noggins so as to justify the label of being a “writer”. This isn’t always easy to do as life often gets in the way and priorities shift; but ultimately writing to a writer is ostensibly as important and involuntary as breathing or peeing would be.
I haven’t written much at all in 2019.
I feel disappointed by that.
So it is with a measure of guilt that I’ve accepted a challenge to write something, anything, every day for thirty days. Poetry, articles, thought experiments, grocery lists, single letters — anything, really. Just so long as it’s written down and published on Medium. My biggest worry is that what I’ll write isn’t very good or thoughtful or illuminating or interesting and I am going to do my best to accept that it doesn’t matter. As long as I write every day for thirty days straight and not get banned (crosses fingers).
A new year means new beginnings. Going into 2020 with a challenge in mind helps with supporting the notion that we are more capable of realizing our potential than we give ourselves credit for. Sometimes we get lost in the fog of our own ignorance and enjoy the apathetic comfort that freedom of responsibility often confers. Imagine not having to go to work, to take care of a child, to pay bills, clean the house, goals, etc. not having anything to be responsible towards can feel tremendously liberating until it doesn’t.
It then grows into complacency, listlessness, restlessness, ennui, boredom and while such breaks from responsibility can be valuable and restorative; ultimately we come about to the understanding that life needs to be lived with a purpose beyond mere survival. Purpose comes from whatever meaning one chooses to attach and with this comes the responsibility to protect, honor and develop whatever it may be.
If I learned anything from reading Vikor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” is that even inside of a concentration camp where optimism is hard to come by — the most important thing one can do is to imbue ourselves and our lives with genuine value. Real or imagined, it does not matter as long as a higher purpose is integrated into everyday life and gives an exciting enough reason to get up in the mornings. Otherwise what would be the point?
An article I read a few days ago that really placed all this into perspective for me is from the amazing Caitlin Johnstone who suggested that we examine and discard beliefs that no longer serves us. She made the great point that we only imagine change to be hard when it really isn’t much harder than changing our underwear each day. It made a heck of a lot of sense to me that we are each the architects of our fate and the captains of our souls but if we don’t really believe it, aren’t we being hypocritical, evasive and selling ourselves short? Is the alternative any better? To accept that we are simply slaves to circumstances? Is that belief going to serve us well in the days weeks months and years to come?
Can’t we do better? Can’t we be more than what we are?
Maybe you believe that you suck at public speaking, maybe you’ve failed repeatedly at it but you don’t have to accept that particular belief about yourself. You could, for instance, get good enough at speaking in public that you’d become marginally better at it than the average person would be. It’s not that difficult to reform a part of yourself that it transforms an “I can’t” into a “I can sorta kinda…yeah” and then get to a point where you discover that you actually are capable and competent enough that this old belief of yours was a ridiculous notion to adopt in the first place.
Years ago when I was dating, my friends would often invite me to those single meet-up events which always filled me with anxiety and dread. I didn’t like the idea of having to be in a public setting to impress people so I would regularly shoot down their invitations and claim that it was such an impersonal idea to put yourself up for display like a piece of meat and then hoping that someone likes you enough to want to date. Secretly, I didn’t think I could do well at something like that. I didn’t want to suffer rejection or be made to feel pressured and awkward and having to compete with other dudes. Wasn’t my idea of fun.
But I surprised myself when I decided to go and discovered that I actually did well just being authentic and not having expectations other than to hang out with my friends. I had a few interesting conversations and left with two phone numbers, neither of which worked out but served to dispel the false belief I had about not being good enough. I was. Why couldn’t I have known this before? Because I was too scared to try.
Who knows what great things lurk inside each and every one of us? Some of us have yet to discover the true limitations of who we are. We only just imagine that these limitations are there. We’re not being honest about who we think we actually are and can do. We make excuses to protect ourselves. To shield us from hurt and pain and alienation and failure.
Now, there are certain other beliefs that are problematic to transmute or eradicate than others. Physical limitations for example, can set a hard limit on what you are capable of achieving. A quadriplegic may have aspirations of joining the NBA but it is unlikely that changing his belief system is going to allow for that to happen. This is the flaw in systems like “law of attraction” “new thought” and “reality transurfing” where proponents insist that we create our reality and that there are no limitations keeping us from getting what we want.
There ARE limitations and I think it is extremely important that before deciding to restructure your belief system is to take the time to understand what you are capable of and being brutally honest in your assessment. Could you write a novel? Absolutely! If you are deaf, blind, handicapped with ADHD or feel yourself to be of “inferior” intelligence, it really doesn’t keep you from being able to write at length for say… 200 pages or so. As long as you can express your thoughts somehow, it can be done. Heck, Stephen King would be able to write a novel if he could only type with a chopstick dangling from his mouth. Could you write a New York Time’s bestselling novel? Well, maybe. Depends on whether or not you believe you can write a novel at all.
But not so for the quadriplegic with NBA aspirations, and that is a belief which has to unfortunately be accepted until that person’s physical condition changes. It’s nice to dream big, but it’s also nice not having to swim against a raging current that is beyond your capability to navigate. Such an individual would need to focus on physically healing themselves so that they would be well enough for such an aspiration to become realistically attainable.
Given the finite lifespan we humans have to work with, we may simply not be able to progress through all the required steps in order to realize certain grand visions for ourselves. Life is short, we need to prioritize time wisely and with realistic expectations. There is no shame in admitting difficulty and realizing that energy is best expended elsewhere. We cannot choose the cards we are dealt in life but we can become great at playing with the ones we get.
So as we go into 2020, taking stock of our beliefs and understanding our capabilities is necessary if we truly desire happiness, success, progress and achievement in our lives. Can you be wealthy? Absolutely. Could you lose twenty pounds this year? Of course! Can you write for thirty days about something random each day? Totally. What I’m trying to do is something anyone can do.
And if I fail at this, so what? It wouldn’t be the end of the world. It would mean that I didn’t desire the goal or believed in myself enough. I’m only human and it is not the achievement that defines me. It is the trying that does.
As long as we keep trying to achieve whatever it is that we want, we can never really “fail” at anything.
It is only when we stop trying can we admit to having failed.
Happy 2020 everyone.
May you find courage enough to try.
